In addition, I was intuitively guided to leave everything behind and move to Mexico to take care of my sickly aunt whom inspired an internal desire to register a retirement home/house of needy, into a non-profit organization, in the same town she lived in (I yearned to make a difference in the world and this was the opportunity for my contribution).

Once I moved in January of 2014 (1 year later), I started the process to materialize this project by gathering all the board members needed. I simultaneously held a book club where we discussed the book titled, 'The Four Agreements". Amazingly enough, several people attended, considering it's a small village/town, and typically the residents are not open-minded enough to accept change. Upon completing the book, the next step was to implement action by executing community service activities every day of the week. We as a community:

• Visited & prayed upon the sickly.
• Gathered as a choir to sing and play music with the objective to call forth & connect with our inner child.
• We cleaned and maintained certain areas of the town to bring awareness.
• Meditated for the more "opened" and aware individuals so to connect with our inner truths.
• Worked hand-in-hand with the town's Mayor to enforce public service upgrades.
• Every day, @ 12 noon, I'd announce over the town's intercom an inspirational quote of the day to increase people's faith.
• Motivated my dear uncle to cure his alcohol addiction. I inspired him to not only stop consuming alcohol for a whole year but to get a job, open a bank account, purchase his first computer, attend school to take computer classes, with the objective to get certified (I was so proud beyond measure, I was in "AWE").
• We manifested our very first guest in our retirement home, a homeless whom was not self-sufficient and in desperate need of 3rd party assistance.

The town mayor asked if I was up for the challenge considering the project was not complete; my response? "Yes!” I did everything for him; fed him, bathed him, and became his best friend...Witnessing all that was achieved, I felt I was at my Highest point of success. I felt EMPOWERED, but paradoxically, setting myself up to FACE my darkest aspects, the aspects I declared never to be associated with. The ones you unconsciously hide deep under the rug due to immense fear.

So, what did I face?

A Beautiful Depressing Masterpiece of a MESS.

Around October of 2014, this opportunity to reach my next level of freedom and unconditional love, began to turn south. All of my perceived achievements suddenly began to fall apart, one after the other. The last straw was when I found Amador dead in his room, under my care. This led me to drop into a space many call "the dark night of the soul" and into the path to my 2nd deep depression, one I thought I would not recover from.

Confusion surrounded me. Why did the universe allow this experience to unfold in this manner- if I've only answered to and followed the "call" as an obedient student of God?! I was even shown and assured through my dream state that the transition to Mexico was my "train ticket" to a deeper level of freedom and purpose.

How could this have happened?

I felt BETRAYED BY GOD AND MOST IMPORTANTLY- BY MY OWN INTUITION. I felt forsaken, unable to trust myself, let alone anyone or anything outside of me. I felt like a complete victim, asking why the universe was conspiring against me when I've been nothing but obedient and deserving!

When submerged in despair, cornered, and unable to continue to run from myself, I made the choice to surrender, face myself and sit with my pain, allow my undivided presence to be with the dark side of "Who I Am." To FEEL and converse with those fractured, forsaken parts of me. To my surprise, they held so much wisdom to reveal, wisdom I would never have known if this very strategic "masterpiece of a mess" wouldn't have collapsed my whole foundation. I suppose I needed to set myself up to SEE my own conditions & restrictions. To pierce through this vicious cycle of a pattern I've been subconsciously operating from all of my life, thus creating the very same emotional outcome to every story.

This indeed marked the beginning of my emotional integration journey, rebuilding a more solid foundation, one that will successfully sustain the next phase of my personal evolution, achieving my greatest awareness YET!

How?

By thoroughly understanding through my felt perception, I didn't authentically love ALL OF ME. I only loved, accepted, and claimed the aspects within that spoke and emanated Love & Light. I was self-identified with only being LOVE & Inspiration, that I rejected, abandoned, and SHAMED the parts of me that spoke the polar opposite-> darkness & depression. I observed I only wanted to live when things felt good BUT depart from this world when things felt dense and dark. My Self-love was conditional! How, though, if I so claimed to love myself unconditionally? Who would have known the lie I was operating under if it wasn't for this unforeseen mess…

As I began to break down ancient barriers I've built since childhood and minimizing fueling my Shame, my emotional body, through physical sensation, began to experience immense relief. I knew in my core that something monumental was transmuting within. I witnessed the incredible power of integrating and merging with those aspects I've severed, judged, and condemned. I was experiencing the physicality of wholeness, gifting me a deep sensation of satisfaction. At the end of the day, that's all we are looking for, the ingredients to feel complete and joyous. But, that does require a new level of vulnerability, one that pulls you back into time to "rescue" the very parts of oneself that have been traumatized and forsaken- to ultimately ntegrate then/restore them to real-time, which is to the NOW.

In conclusion, The 2nd fall of depression was unmistakably my ticket to the next layer of awareness, setting the stage for a deeper, more authentic relationship with myself as I learned to face and accept my depression.